PHILADELPHIA. I will see you in August!
Yes, that’s right. I am returning to my ancestral homeland to perform my new hour of comedy at The Plays and Players Theatre. Two nights!
Please save the dates:
FRIDAY, AUGUST 1OTH
SATURDAY, AUGUST 11TH
While I am in town, I will also engage in my customary one-man scrapple-eating contest, to my wife’s eternal disgust. But she’s from a place where they eat wet peanuts. WET PEANUTS!
TICKETS NOW AVALABLE.
“Joe Easterling, who described himself as a devout Christian, voted for the amendment at a polling place in Wake Forest. ’I know that some people may argue that the Bible may not necessarily be applicable, or it should not be applicable, on such policy matters. But even looking at nature itself, procreation is impossible without a man and a woman. And because of those things, I think it is important that the state of North Carolina’s laws are compatible with the laws of nature but, more importantly, with the laws of God.’”
Hey, is it at all possible that God’s Plan is for all the procreated babies that need adoption to get adopted by people who can’t procreate on their own? Like, maybe God has seen that people have been procreating a great deal indeed and then either don’t want or aren’t able to deal with the babies that result from that procreation, and God, maybe He thinks it’s a good idea to have people who can’t procreate but want to enter loving unions, (or marriages, if you will) and also want to raise and love and nurture children who have already been born but don’t have parents, maybe God thinks, “See, if these gay people are allowed to marry each other, many of them could provide stable, loving homes for all those babies that otherwise would never know such a thing. Besides which, if gay people are allowed to marry each other, it won’t affect anyone else’s marriage in any way at all. I mean, the only way it possibly could is that if you tell a stranger you’re married, it’s plausible that they may ask if your spouse is the same sex as you, but being God, I built a failsafe into that question so that it isn’t fatal to the person of whom it is asked.”
My point is, if you believe in God, maybe give Him a little bit of credit, because odds are, He’s SMARTER THAN YOU.
UPDATE: I did not mean to implicate all of North Carolina with the title of this post. I will let an actual North Carolinian put it better than I probably ever could:
“And I ain’t goin’ back to live that old life no more.”
Two years ago today, at this hour, my wife and I were married. Immediately after being pronounced so, and after kissing for the first time as husband and wife, the song “Wagon Wheel” by Old Crow Medicine Show played, and we processed past our family and our friends and began our new life together.
Last month, I celebrated the tenth anniversary of the live variety show I do here in Los Angeles, and I sang that song and dedicated it to my wife. In order to memorize the lyrics, I listened to the song on repeat as I ran on a treadmill at the gym. I did this until I knew the song backwards and forwards— for a few days, usually for about 30 minutes at a time. Always, every time, at some point in this process, I would get choked up as the emotion of my wedding day— and, indeed, of the reality that I was going to spend my life with this amazing person— would envelop me all over again. It is tougher than you might think to hide tears and run in public.
Obviously, it’d be rather self-absorbed of me to think that anyone reading this could possibly care about my marriage as much as I and my wife do. That only makes sense. Why should you care about me getting married? Chances are very good you didn’t even know I was married. And now that you do, that knowledge has the same impact on your life as it did before you knew; that is to say, zero.
There are a number of different reasons people can have for getting married. In my opinion, the greatest of these is love. My wife and I married each other because we love each other and wanted to make a lasting commitment to each other, and signify to the world that we had done so. It’s a profound feeling.
I am very, very fortunate that I have been able to marry the person I love, and I would like it if other people who are in love could share that good fortune. It doesn’t seem like a lot to ask, and it’s no skin off your nose, you know?