PAUL F. TOMPKINS IS ONLINE
"Well, I could just as easily say to YOU that you shouldn’t make assumptions about the names of business if you are ‘deathly allergic’ to anything. And since you asked soooo politely— I’m being sarcastic, FYI, you were quite rude— the more feline agents that are deployed in the domicile (these are all real words, look ‘em up later), the better the chance that all all pests will be, to coin a phrase, exterminated. AND FURTHER, this is not exactly my first time doing this, okay? I’ve been to another house this same month, and I can tell you from firsthand experience, cats go after termites like NOBODY’S BUSINESS, except mine, because this is my business. Now, I’m a decent person, so I won’t charge you for this, since you say your throat is ‘closing up,’ but I would ask that if any of my cats DO come out of hiding you will return them to me unharmed. And. Um. Can I use your bathroom? Okay, that’s fair. What? I’m sorry, you were a little gurgly there. The other house? Yes. It WAS my house. But you should have SEEN them!"

"Well, I could just as easily say to YOU that you shouldn’t make assumptions about the names of business if you are ‘deathly allergic’ to anything. And since you asked soooo politely— I’m being sarcastic, FYI, you were quite rude— the more feline agents that are deployed in the domicile (these are all real words, look ‘em up later), the better the chance that all all pests will be, to coin a phrase, exterminated. AND FURTHER, this is not exactly my first time doing this, okay? I’ve been to another house this same month, and I can tell you from firsthand experience, cats go after termites like NOBODY’S BUSINESS, except mine, because this is my business. Now, I’m a decent person, so I won’t charge you for this, since you say your throat is ‘closing up,’ but I would ask that if any of my cats DO come out of hiding you will return them to me unharmed. And. Um. Can I use your bathroom? Okay, that’s fair. What? I’m sorry, you were a little gurgly there. The other house? Yes. It WAS my house. But you should have SEEN them!"

  1. plob218 reblogged this from paulftompkins
  2. mo-neek-a reblogged this from paulftompkins
  3. octorokcorkrod reblogged this from paulftompkins
  4. somethingfucking reblogged this from paulftompkins
  5. mydigitalhallucination reblogged this from paulftompkins and added:
    Oh, Mr. F Tompkins, you’re such a card! Seriously though, love your style! =D
  6. claire-drew reblogged this from paulftompkins
  7. sitcom-munism reblogged this from paulftompkins
  8. paulftompkins posted this