I’ll be performing at The 29th Street Ballroom on Sunday, May 27th. I will also be there on Saturday, May 26th, but that show is sold out.
Look, Austin, I want you to keep it weird. But there need to be some parameters. Going to a show on a Sunday night? Pretty weird! Waiting until the last minute to buy a ticket and not getting to go to the aforementioned Sunday night show, so instead eating glass? A little too weird.
“How to Sharpen Pencils” is very funny—it’s the work, let’s not forget, of the guy responsible for “Get Your War On”—but it’s no April Fools’ joke, and it’s no bathroom book. It’s a literary oddity that, even as it gleefully pursues the comic possibilities of its premise, subtly gestures towards its own secluded seriousness.” —Mark O’Connell”—
DO YOU REALLY THINK I AM THE ONLY IMPECCABLE ONLINE SOURCE TALKING ABOUT DAVID REES AND PENCIL SHARPENING?
Oh, sorry. I guess you never heard of THE NEW YORKER?
"Joe Easterling, who described himself as a devout Christian, voted for the amendment at a polling place in Wake Forest. ’I know that some people may argue that the Bible may not necessarily be applicable, or it should not be applicable, on such policy matters. But even looking at nature itself, procreation is impossible without a man and a woman. And because of those things, I think it is important that the state of North Carolina’s laws are compatible with the laws of nature but, more importantly, with the laws of God.’”
Hey, is it at all possible that God’s Plan is for all the procreated babies that need adoption to get adopted by people who can’t procreate on their own? Like, maybe God has seen that people have been procreating a great deal indeed and then either don’t want or aren’t able to deal with the babies that result from that procreation, and God, maybe He thinks it’s a good idea to have people who can’t procreate but want to enter loving unions, (or marriages, if you will) and also want to raise and love and nurture children who have already been born but don’t have parents, maybe God thinks, “See, if these gay people are allowed to marry each other, many of them could provide stable, loving homes for all those babies that otherwise would never know such a thing. Besides which, if gay people are allowed to marry each other, it won’t affect anyone else’s marriage in any way at all. I mean, the only way it possibly could is that if you tell a stranger you’re married, it’s plausible that they may ask if your spouse is the same sex as you, but being God, I built a failsafe into that question so that it isn’t fatal to the person of whom it is asked.”
My point is, if you believe in God, maybe give Him a little bit of credit, because odds are, He’s SMARTER THAN YOU.
UPDATE:I did not mean to implicate all of North Carolina with the title of this post. I will let an actual North Carolinian put it better than I probably ever could:
“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, ‘Dear Jim: I loved your card.’ Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, ‘Jim loved your card so much he ate it.’ That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”—
The Pod F. Tompkast, Episode 17: Who’s Worse, Our One Listener or All Birds? The Great Undiscovered Project Has Gone Fishin’. “Sounds Fun!” with John Hodgman (recorded live at San Francisco SketchFest 2012). Are You Ready To Go Back To Fake Titanic, Jen?
“You love Bobcat Goldthwait for his stand-up comedy, his performance of Zed in Police Academy, and as the director of movies like Shakes the Clown and World’s Greatest Dad. Bobscratch shares tales of his red carpet antics and tells us about his brand new film God Bless America. Mr. Goldfarb isn’t the only director on the show, as Mr. Marshall (please, call him Garry) returns to the show and gives us a sneak peek on his modern adaptation of a not-so-modern television franchise. These happy days truly are yours and mine!”
This nice young mentally ill person at TrackPFT.com has been keeping tabs on all my podcast appearances. Today’s episode of Doug Loves Movies takes it up to 298. I know for certain that an appearance I recently made on one of my favorite podcasts will be released Monday.
Unless there’s another one I’ve forgotten about that uploads between now and then, my 300th podcast appearance will be Episode 17 of The Pod F. Tompkast.
I don’t know what the appropriate gift is for 300 podcast appearances. It’s probably either ones or zeroes. Tin, maybe?
Thanks to everyone who’s ever had me as a guest on their show. I know for a fact that these appearances have helped grow my audience and I am sincerely grateful for that.
Part 2 of Star Talk Live! is up right now! I was more engaged and less sneering than this photo would lead you to believe. I mean, I sneered A LOT, just not all the time. Maybe I just fell asleep briefly. Whatever, we can all agree this is just GREAT AND FLATTERING photo that ABSOLUTELY should have been selected as THE ONE IMAGE they are using for this podcast!
What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane– well, that does make a man a jerk.
And when men do this on a regular basis, remember that, if you are a woman, you are not the exception. You are not so cool and fabulous and levelheaded that they will totally get where you are coming from when you show emotions other than “pleasant agreement.”
When men say “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool” the subtext is not, “I love you, be the mother to my children.” The subtext is “do not step out of line, here.” If you get close enough to the men who say things like this, eventually, you will do something that they do not find pleasant. They will decide you are crazy, because this is something they have already decided about women in general.