"Joe Easterling, who described himself as a devout Christian, voted for the amendment at a polling place in Wake Forest. ’I know that some people may argue that the Bible may not necessarily be applicable, or it should not be applicable, on such policy matters. But even looking at nature itself, procreation is impossible without a man and a woman. And because of those things, I think it is important that the state of North Carolina’s laws are compatible with the laws of nature but, more importantly, with the laws of God.’”
Hey, is it at all possible that God’s Plan is for all the procreated babies that need adoption to get adopted by people who can’t procreate on their own? Like, maybe God has seen that people have been procreating a great deal indeed and then either don’t want or aren’t able to deal with the babies that result from that procreation, and God, maybe He thinks it’s a good idea to have people who can’t procreate but want to enter loving unions, (or marriages, if you will) and also want to raise and love and nurture children who have already been born but don’t have parents, maybe God thinks, “See, if these gay people are allowed to marry each other, many of them could provide stable, loving homes for all those babies that otherwise would never know such a thing. Besides which, if gay people are allowed to marry each other, it won’t affect anyone else’s marriage in any way at all. I mean, the only way it possibly could is that if you tell a stranger you’re married, it’s plausible that they may ask if your spouse is the same sex as you, but being God, I built a failsafe into that question so that it isn’t fatal to the person of whom it is asked.”
My point is, if you believe in God, maybe give Him a little bit of credit, because odds are, He’s SMARTER THAN YOU.
UPDATE:I did not mean to implicate all of North Carolina with the title of this post. I will let an actual North Carolinian put it better than I probably ever could:
“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, ‘Dear Jim: I loved your card.’ Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, ‘Jim loved your card so much he ate it.’ That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”—
The Pod F. Tompkast, Episode 17: Who’s Worse, Our One Listener or All Birds? The Great Undiscovered Project Has Gone Fishin’. “Sounds Fun!” with John Hodgman (recorded live at San Francisco SketchFest 2012). Are You Ready To Go Back To Fake Titanic, Jen?
“You love Bobcat Goldthwait for his stand-up comedy, his performance of Zed in Police Academy, and as the director of movies like Shakes the Clown and World’s Greatest Dad. Bobscratch shares tales of his red carpet antics and tells us about his brand new film God Bless America. Mr. Goldfarb isn’t the only director on the show, as Mr. Marshall (please, call him Garry) returns to the show and gives us a sneak peek on his modern adaptation of a not-so-modern television franchise. These happy days truly are yours and mine!”
This nice young mentally ill person at TrackPFT.com has been keeping tabs on all my podcast appearances. Today’s episode of Doug Loves Movies takes it up to 298. I know for certain that an appearance I recently made on one of my favorite podcasts will be released Monday.
Unless there’s another one I’ve forgotten about that uploads between now and then, my 300th podcast appearance will be Episode 17 of The Pod F. Tompkast.
I don’t know what the appropriate gift is for 300 podcast appearances. It’s probably either ones or zeroes. Tin, maybe?
Thanks to everyone who’s ever had me as a guest on their show. I know for a fact that these appearances have helped grow my audience and I am sincerely grateful for that.
Part 2 of Star Talk Live! is up right now! I was more engaged and less sneering than this photo would lead you to believe. I mean, I sneered A LOT, just not all the time. Maybe I just fell asleep briefly. Whatever, we can all agree this is just GREAT AND FLATTERING photo that ABSOLUTELY should have been selected as THE ONE IMAGE they are using for this podcast!
What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane– well, that does make a man a jerk.
And when men do this on a regular basis, remember that, if you are a woman, you are not the exception. You are not so cool and fabulous and levelheaded that they will totally get where you are coming from when you show emotions other than “pleasant agreement.”
When men say “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool” the subtext is not, “I love you, be the mother to my children.” The subtext is “do not step out of line, here.” If you get close enough to the men who say things like this, eventually, you will do something that they do not find pleasant. They will decide you are crazy, because this is something they have already decided about women in general.
"And I ain't goin' back to live that old life no more."
Two years ago today, at this hour, my wife and I were married. Immediately after being pronounced so, and after kissing for the first time as husband and wife, the song “Wagon Wheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show played, and we processed past our family and our friends and began our new life together.
Last month, I celebrated the tenth anniversary of the live variety show I do here in Los Angeles, and I sang that song and dedicated it to my wife. In order to memorize the lyrics, I listened to the song on repeat as I ran on a treadmill at the gym. I did this until I knew the song backwards and forwards— for a few days, usually for about 30 minutes at a time. Always, every time, at some point in this process, I would get choked up as the emotion of my wedding day— and, indeed, of the reality that I was going to spend my life with this amazing person— would envelop me all over again. It is tougher than you might think to hide tears and run in public.
Obviously, it’d be rather self-absorbed of me to think that anyone reading this could possibly care about my marriage as much as I and my wife do. That only makes sense. Why should you care about me getting married? Chances are very good you didn’t even know I was married. And now that you do, that knowledge has the same impact on your life as it did before you knew; that is to say, zero.
There are a number of different reasons people can have for getting married. In my opinion, the greatest of these is love. My wife and I married each other because we love each other and wanted to make a lasting commitment to each other, and signify to the world that we had done so. It’s a profound feeling.
I am very, very fortunate that I have been able to marry the person I love, and I would like it if other people who are in love could share that good fortune. It doesn’t seem like a lot to ask, and it’s no skin off your nose, you know?
It’s true. Now you may buy my most recent stand-up special on DVD and watch it all damn day.
This is the full set that was recorded that fateful night in October, 2011. The broadcast version was only 42 minutes long, but this sumbitch runs one hour and fifteen minutes. Uh, that seems like a lot of extra comedy to me! I apologize for my sarcastic “uh,” but I am trying to prove a point: there is a lot of extra comedy on this DVD. In addition to the uncut set, there are also fun extras, including a feature-length commentary by “a famous director” whom you may know from appearances on The Pod F. Tompkast and Comedy Bang Bang. And, of course, an extended bit of riffery by yours truly accompanied by the great Eban Schletter.
I don’t know how to get you there, but I am told it is available on Vudu, Samsung Media Hub, Xbox Live and Sony PlayStation Network.
If there’s anything you want to know that isn’t covered here, please know that I am right next to you in the dark. Should you have any questions about anything else, such as international releases, please do contact Comedy Central. And when I get more info, I will post it.
Wow, with this new episode of @ThrillingAdv , @PFTompkins has hit the 350 hour mark of podcast appearances tracked on www.TrackPFT.com. To put this in perspective, let us measure it against other historial events throughout history:
- July , 1969: The Apollo 11 space mission, probably the…
This extremely rare Frank Doyle solo adventure also features Jeri Ryan, Kate Micucci, Janet Varney and James Urbaniak. Paget Brewster was out of town when this episode was recorded, so no Sadie Doyle in this one. I know, I missed her, too. She’ll be back, so let’s all settle down, get up from our bunks and take off our black Nikes, okay?