What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane– well, that does make a man a jerk.
And when men do this on a regular basis, remember that, if you are a woman, you are not the exception. You are not so cool and fabulous and levelheaded that they will totally get where you are coming from when you show emotions other than “pleasant agreement.”
When men say “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool” the subtext is not, “I love you, be the mother to my children.” The subtext is “do not step out of line, here.” If you get close enough to the men who say things like this, eventually, you will do something that they do not find pleasant. They will decide you are crazy, because this is something they have already decided about women in general.
"And I ain't goin' back to live that old life no more."
Two years ago today, at this hour, my wife and I were married. Immediately after being pronounced so, and after kissing for the first time as husband and wife, the song “Wagon Wheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show played, and we processed past our family and our friends and began our new life together.
Last month, I celebrated the tenth anniversary of the live variety show I do here in Los Angeles, and I sang that song and dedicated it to my wife. In order to memorize the lyrics, I listened to the song on repeat as I ran on a treadmill at the gym. I did this until I knew the song backwards and forwards— for a few days, usually for about 30 minutes at a time. Always, every time, at some point in this process, I would get choked up as the emotion of my wedding day— and, indeed, of the reality that I was going to spend my life with this amazing person— would envelop me all over again. It is tougher than you might think to hide tears and run in public.
Obviously, it’d be rather self-absorbed of me to think that anyone reading this could possibly care about my marriage as much as I and my wife do. That only makes sense. Why should you care about me getting married? Chances are very good you didn’t even know I was married. And now that you do, that knowledge has the same impact on your life as it did before you knew; that is to say, zero.
There are a number of different reasons people can have for getting married. In my opinion, the greatest of these is love. My wife and I married each other because we love each other and wanted to make a lasting commitment to each other, and signify to the world that we had done so. It’s a profound feeling.
I am very, very fortunate that I have been able to marry the person I love, and I would like it if other people who are in love could share that good fortune. It doesn’t seem like a lot to ask, and it’s no skin off your nose, you know?
It’s true. Now you may buy my most recent stand-up special on DVD and watch it all damn day.
This is the full set that was recorded that fateful night in October, 2011. The broadcast version was only 42 minutes long, but this sumbitch runs one hour and fifteen minutes. Uh, that seems like a lot of extra comedy to me! I apologize for my sarcastic “uh,” but I am trying to prove a point: there is a lot of extra comedy on this DVD. In addition to the uncut set, there are also fun extras, including a feature-length commentary by “a famous director” whom you may know from appearances on The Pod F. Tompkast and Comedy Bang Bang. And, of course, an extended bit of riffery by yours truly accompanied by the great Eban Schletter.
I don’t know how to get you there, but I am told it is available on Vudu, Samsung Media Hub, Xbox Live and Sony PlayStation Network.
If there’s anything you want to know that isn’t covered here, please know that I am right next to you in the dark. Should you have any questions about anything else, such as international releases, please do contact Comedy Central. And when I get more info, I will post it.
Wow, with this new episode of @ThrillingAdv , @PFTompkins has hit the 350 hour mark of podcast appearances tracked on www.TrackPFT.com. To put this in perspective, let us measure it against other historial events throughout history:
- July , 1969: The Apollo 11 space mission, probably the…
This extremely rare Frank Doyle solo adventure also features Jeri Ryan, Kate Micucci, Janet Varney and James Urbaniak. Paget Brewster was out of town when this episode was recorded, so no Sadie Doyle in this one. I know, I missed her, too. She’ll be back, so let’s all settle down, get up from our bunks and take off our black Nikes, okay?
So Paul F. Tompkins is doing press for his new special Laboring Under Delusions (Saturday night, 4/21/2012, Comedy Central), and he has been doing some interviews. I thought it might be helpful to have a entry with links to them all for anyone who can’t get to them all right away (me). Here is…
So I FB-posted an article about "Girls" that I thought was great, because it was like: "Hey, this is a TV show, let's settle down about its significance and its implications," and it immediately triggered a vicious, personal comments war between two people I do not know and who I don't think know each other, and the experience led me to an important revelation which I would like to share with you:
We should all turn off our televisions and close our laptops and go outside and move our limbs and play with each other and laugh and smooch and wrestle, because we are all going to be dead in what will seem like 45 minutes and we are going to stay that way until the end of an infinite number of forevers.
Paul F. Tompkins: Laboring Under Delusions airs at 11pm E/P on Comedy Central. Please watch it. You are under no obligation to enjoy it. It’s fine by me if you sit through the whole thing staring daggers at the TV, grinding your teeth to powder as you will a sandbag to fall on my head (it won’t, FYI; the special was recorded months ago). Just as long as you watch.
Maybe you’re planning to watch it later. You’re gonna DVR it, you’re gonna go out, it’s Saturday night, you’re gonna hit a bar and get super drunk, then get home and watch the first two minutes of my special before passing out on the couch, a Whopper Jr. with one bite out of it falling out of your hand and onto the floor like some squalid homage to the opening of Citizen Kane.
Let me say this: watching it live means ratings for me. Ratings for me means love success for me. So why don’t you stay in tomorrow night? Invite a special someone over to watch? Patton Oswalt’s special airs right before mine, make a night of it! Don’t you know that comedy leads to romance? It’s true. You just read it on the internet.
And get a load of this— on Tuesday, you’ll be able to own my special in its full-length form. You can:
watch it on your Xbox or Sony PlayStation (you probably have to be high)
mysterious things called Vudu and Samsung Media Hub are also part of this
I know that for some of you, I am too beautiful to behold. So there will be an audio release of Laboring Under Delusions onAST recordsin October. This is the same material plus even more, a completely separate performance, recorded live at The Bell House in Brooklyn.
There. Now you know what you must do. And may God have mercy on our souls.
I don’t understand a lot of things. I don’t understand why my neighbor is pursuing a career as a 1990’s electronic music artist. I don’t understand why the ice cream shop near my house considers two scoops of ice cream one scoop. And I don’t understand how women, educated journalists, can be so…
“BEST THING THAT HAPPENED IN LITTLE ROCK THAT MADE ME LOVE AMERICA: At the hotel’s fire pit, I met some young men from Little Rock Air Force Base. I had an amazing conversation with one of them while enjoying a shared bottle of Southern Comfort, in which I explained the particulars of Artisanal Pencil Sharpening and he explained the particulars of Survival Evasion Resistance Escape training. —DAVID REES, Artisanal Pencil Sharpener.”—
Read all of David Rees’s Pencil Sharpening Tour recap HERE.
I am so mad I cannot be there that I am typing this tumbl with MY FISTS.
FOR SERIOUS: you do not need to be a fan of artisanal pencil sharpening to see David Rees. You merely need to be a fan of GENIUS COMEDY mixed with HONESTLY SINCERE, HEARTFELT CRAFTSMANSHIP and EXPERT SHOWPERSONSHIP and KALE.
If you can’t tell from my tumbls, David is not only a friend, he is one of my heroes. What he is doing on stage these days is BEAUTIFUL HISTORY UNFOLDING BEFORE YOUR EYES LIKE FRESH PENCIL SHAVINGS, and you should not miss it.
So, I opened up Tumblr to send out a reminder about this show that I’m doing at Largo on Saturday, and I see I have already been beaten to the punch by the man himself, David Rees.
Just so you know: I am really looking forward to this show. Not just performing on it, just seeing it. David Rees is one of the funniest people I have ever met, and I believe you have some notion of the circles in which I travel.